All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
