Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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