he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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