Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
