I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
