If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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