Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
