i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
