i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
