Tell her she can't have a vagina
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
