does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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