I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
