Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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