Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
