I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
