you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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