Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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