can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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