I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Never joke about your clitoris.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
