Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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