How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
