I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So many bounce houses so little time
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
