i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
