apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
