she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
