Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
