He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
