Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
