There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
