someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The air taste purple.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
