why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
