The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
