Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
