hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
