I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am available for nakedness
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
