There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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