All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
