Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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