THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
