it was like his penis was on wheels.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
