do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
