I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
