I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
