For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
