im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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