Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
