hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did i walk over a car last night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
