Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
