your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
