if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't notice because vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
