You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
