Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
