lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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