I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
